My Narc loved social media. He didn’t post often but he checked like most do. It was the first thing he pulled up in the morning, he’d scroll through the videos and articles and keep up with friends. But what MY NarcEx liked most about Social Media, It was a way for him to get his “supplies”.
When we first started dating he told me how his ex used to get so mad at him for never posting anything on social media… Fortunately, that was no big deal to me, my ex didn’t even have social media so I was used to it. I didn’t need someone to post about me – if that wasn’t his “thing”.
But he would go and start telling me how different he was with me and how I made him a better person and then he even posted a pic of me on his fb page and was tagging me in stuff, flirting with me on social media still. He was already doing better than with his last and it was more than I got before so yea, it made me feel special.
But then all of that fell off.. He never posted anything else and stopped tagging me in things, stopped commenting on my posts and stopped liking my posts.. Still- no big deal.
We did have a conversation about it. It was calm and short. He simply said he just wasn’t the type to post very much… okay, cool. He told me that from the get go. He kinda started out like he was going to try to be different with me but that was my bad for assuming shit. I don’t blame him for that. So I move on and I kept on my posts like I usually do.
But as time went on I noticed that he was still interacting with others on fb while completely ignoring anything I posted. I wasn’t super upset about this yet… but I sort of felt like the crazy gf posting about him all the time while he just ignored me online. So – I pulled back my posts and just sort of didn’t post as much… but still posted.
A few months go by and he brings it up and asks why I rarely post about him anymore. I told him “it was b/c I felt like it looked like I was obsessed with him. I was always posting about our life together and my love for him and he never posts about me – but will about others, doesn’t comment my stuff anymore, doesn’t like my stuff anymore – so I dialed it back a bit”.
He told me that “I care too much about what people think. And that he liked when I posted about him and he wanted me to keep doing it like I did before.”
That was so weird to me. Here is a guy who says Social Media isn’t his thing and likes to post but not about his gf and also notices that I post less about him and tells me that he wants me to go back to posting how I did before…
So I told him “I would… IF he can make an effort to post or at least take pics of us” (Note: usually I would let this go without bringing it up, but since he brougt this up, I’m gonna say something).
He immediately said “No”.
I told him “fine, then I was going to continue to try to back off posting.”.
He told me that “THAT I was deliberately trying to hurt him b/c I know how much he likes when I post about him and I had to actually TRY to dial it back.”
We talked about it a bit longer and I held my ground. I would do it for him, if he did it for me… He eventually agreed to “try to make an effort”.
I remember sitting there thinking ‘is this a real life conversation with him right now?’ And Yes. Yes it was.
After the talk, later that night, we took our dog for a walk around the lake my NarcEx took out his phone and tried to take a pic of the three of us with the sunsetting on the lake behind us (But he couldn’t get the angle right for lighting, so I actually took the pic)…… and then, later, sent it to me via text so that I could post it on my ig/fb and tag him in. Which I did. #teamwork
But he never posted anything and I can remember him, every once in a while tell me to get my phone to take a picture of us…which was fine by me but it wasn’t what we talked about so I kept on my dialed back posting and went on about life.
Then something happened that threw me through a big “WTFudge?!?!” moment.
It was his second birthday that we had together and I had worked hard to make sure he would have the day off, woke him up and surprised him with skydiving, drove out there and did it with him paid for all the videos and pictures, got shirts #shutupandjump, and then drove back to dinner with his friends at his favorite restaurant. The next day we were sitting on the couch and going through the skydiving pictures. We were looking at his and he says “You should post some of these”..
I said “Why don’t you post your pics on your page?” in a very happy and loving tone…
he said “because I don’t know how”..
I said, “Well come here, I can show ya!” still happy and loving tone.
He says, “No, can’t you just do it?”
And I said, “like do it on your page for you? Or do it on my page and tag you in it?”
He said, “Just tag me.”
Now confused, I asked him “why are you so against posting these to your page? You don’t have to post the ones with me in them. I don’t care. Post what you want, but I’m not posting these just to tag you in them when you can do it but for some reason refuse to.”
I can’t remember what his response to that was, I just know that he got up and walked away while saying it and went out to the garage to tinker.
This issue got brought up a couple more times by him and how I purposely do it to hurt him…
When I first started not posting as much I DID have to actually TRY not to. I loved him and our life we were building together and I loved sharing it and building a little “scrapbook” on fb. But after the “birthday post” conversation and as time went on, I started noticing things more and more. I was starting to see him for who he was, rather than who he claimed to be and the love started fading and it got easier.
This is definitely up there for one of the weirdest “fights” I have ever had in a relationship. And weird enough to through up some pretty big red flags.
After everything I am pretty sure he loves being tagged in posts like that b/c he loves being bragged on. It also makes it easy for him to get all the pics of you guys off his social media when you guys are no longer together. I’ve read about this with Narcs and it’s pretty common.
They love the attention. They also use posts talking them up to attract other ‘targets’ – They message girls on their friends list when they are needing a new supply b/c the current one posting isn’t doing her job anymore. While she takes a look at his profile, scoping him out, she can see all the sweet things he USED to do for his current supply. however, the current supply hasn’t posted in awhile, so he can say they split up anytime between the current time and the last post. And then they can say, ‘Look what an awesome boyfriend I am to my gf, I can treat you like this’…and BOOM!
On to the next.