Shitty people hurt my soul

As soon as I realize a person can’t own up to where they came from- including past and present choices and actions- I have a hard time taking that person seriously on a soul level. If you can’t do that then there is NO way you’re growing as a person. My soul seriously gets bored TO DEATH around the “stagnant” or “stuck”. My soul starts to die slowly if it goes too long without being challenged. Not to mention the hurt my soul feels when I realize there are people out there that let their denial keep them from being who God intended them to be.

With that being said:
I’ve been through some pretty dark moments in my life. I’ve had to deal with more things any 34 year old should. And along the way I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve never denied them. I’ve owned up to every single one of them. I’ve sat down and had many conversations about the things I’ve been through and the things I’ve done. And I’ll continue to have these conversions with anyone who is willing and asks. I’m not shy about it- but that’s bc I know I’m making up for it.

I’m using it all to “be better and raise better”.

Depending on how you knew me, I was either great or I was your worst nightmare (I didn’t even know I was as bad as I was until years later when I started running into people who knew me. (Also I think my reputation was definitely inflated)). A lot of the people who knew me or knew of me 22-17 years ago would tell you- I’m a completely different person (I’m the same person, I was just a “troubled teen” acting out- who then grew up to counsel herself through it with her self-taught psychology obsession💁🏻‍♀️).

I’ve become great friends with people who did me wrong and/or that I’ve wronged in the past. I’ll own up to all of my mistakes and apologize from the bottom of my heart any chance I get(My twenties consisted mostly of heart felt “bar bathroom talks” where I apologized for my past actions). And I’ll hear anyone out that’s done me wrong- as long as you’re willing to tell the whole truth and own it, even when it makes you look bad.

As soon as I know you’re not giving me ALL the truth, everything you say might as well be a lie.

I’ve also had these talks with almost all of my exes- I’ve owned up to what I’ve done and vise versa. I hold a lot of great friendships with some of my exes bc we had these talks. I’ve had a lot of hard talks in my life. A lot that I didn’t think I’d ever want to have and a lot I never thought I’d get to have. Each one came at it’s own time. Some needed a LOT more time than others. In most recent years I’ve had two that I waited 10yrs and most recently 15yrs for.

I’ll never let my pride, insecurities or fear take priority over becoming a better person and helping another person be their better self!

This is life. We’re all just learning as we go. If you’re not here to learn and be better then what are you doing? It’s not as hard as you think to be a compassionate adult- who gets that we are all just doing the best we can with what we have, at each moment. We are allowed to make mistakes. But what you are NOT allowed to do is purposely hurt others!! You are not allowed to destroy others bc you’ve been destroyed by another. You are not allowed to ignore your faults and refuse to acknowledge them to get out of being a better person.

If you ask me, that is the difference between good and evil- When you hurt someone, whether you meant to or not. Can you not only recognize it, but did you feel real empathy when you realized what you did? Can you make it right and learn from it and use it to grow as a person so you can do better next time?

– Or do you have a “reason” on why you think YOU’RE special and are allowed to be a shitty person without being categorized as a shitty person??

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s